Picture Poast + Q&A With Sonsy
Mar. 12th, 2009 12:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seethingheathenI've decided that there are two possible answers for every asinine question a customer asks. And, being the generous human being that I am, I am going to share my thoughts with you.
Question: Why won't you accept this $100 bill for my $1.33 purchase?
Polite Answer: I'm sorry, I just don't have enough change in my till.
Honest Answer: I'm sorry, I just don't have enough change in my till. Because this is not a bank.
Q: May I use your bathroom?
PA: I'm sorry, but our restroom is for employees only (which is actually both polite and honest!).
HA: No, because you look like you just rolled out from under a ginormous crack rock, and I would prefer that you not smoke that shit where I can smell it. Also, you look like the type of person who would take a huge shit and then decide to paint the walls brown. Oh, and those signs stating NO PUBLIC RESTROOM are not there for decoration, fucktard.
Q: Can I use my Quest card?
PA: I'm sorry, but we don't accept the Quest card.
HA: No. Read the signs, dumbfuck.
Q: Why can't I use my Quest card?
PA: The store owner has declined to accept them, but I'm not sure why. I'm sorry.
HA: The store owner has declined to accept them, but I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's because the twelve candy bars you are attempting to purchase are not what you should be using food stamps for. Go to King Soopers and waste my money there. Milk? Cheese? Bread? Fruits and veg? Nah. Please spend your children's food money on sweets and sodas. That'll help 'em grow. Out rather than up, of course, but whatever. Hey, is that your brand-new Lexus with the stereo blasting? Sell that if you're hurting for money, you cunning little stunt.*
Okay. I really do have a neck. I promise. And that last one is Ginny. And my messy lounge and crappy furnishings.
* I have no problems with people using public assistance. Not everyone has shittonnes of money to throw around. My problem is with people who appear to have tonnes of money (flashy cars, expensive clothes, etc) but still get PA. If you don't have enough money to feed and clothe your children, and you insist on spending the money you do have on frivoulous bullshit, I will raeg!!! in your general direction. That is all.
Question: Why won't you accept this $100 bill for my $1.33 purchase?
Polite Answer: I'm sorry, I just don't have enough change in my till.
Honest Answer: I'm sorry, I just don't have enough change in my till. Because this is not a bank.
Q: May I use your bathroom?
PA: I'm sorry, but our restroom is for employees only (which is actually both polite and honest!).
HA: No, because you look like you just rolled out from under a ginormous crack rock, and I would prefer that you not smoke that shit where I can smell it. Also, you look like the type of person who would take a huge shit and then decide to paint the walls brown. Oh, and those signs stating NO PUBLIC RESTROOM are not there for decoration, fucktard.
Q: Can I use my Quest card?
PA: I'm sorry, but we don't accept the Quest card.
HA: No. Read the signs, dumbfuck.
Q: Why can't I use my Quest card?
PA: The store owner has declined to accept them, but I'm not sure why. I'm sorry.
HA: The store owner has declined to accept them, but I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's because the twelve candy bars you are attempting to purchase are not what you should be using food stamps for. Go to King Soopers and waste my money there. Milk? Cheese? Bread? Fruits and veg? Nah. Please spend your children's food money on sweets and sodas. That'll help 'em grow. Out rather than up, of course, but whatever. Hey, is that your brand-new Lexus with the stereo blasting? Sell that if you're hurting for money, you cunning little stunt.*
Okay. I really do have a neck. I promise. And that last one is Ginny. And my messy lounge and crappy furnishings.
* I have no problems with people using public assistance. Not everyone has shittonnes of money to throw around. My problem is with people who appear to have tonnes of money (flashy cars, expensive clothes, etc) but still get PA. If you don't have enough money to feed and clothe your children, and you insist on spending the money you do have on frivoulous bullshit, I will raeg!!! in your general direction. That is all.
