Sonsy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
seethingheathen) wrote2004-03-22 07:27 am
seethingheathen) wrote2004-03-22 07:27 am
Ow.
My tongue hurts.
I've decided not to go to bed, since I have to be awake in an hour anyway, and if I go to sleep now, I'll never wake up. Sonja Logic™.
I've also decided that I shall entertain you with more George Carlin quotes. Yay for you!
Short Takes.
How likely is it that all the people who are described as missing are living together in a small town somewhere?
If lobsters looked like puppies, people could never drop them in boiling water while they're still alive. But instead, they look like science fiction monsters, so it's OK. Restaurants that allow patrons to select live lobsters from a tank should be made to paint names on their shells: 'Happy,' 'Baby Doll,' 'Junior.' I defy anyone to drop a living thing called 'Happy' in rapidly boiling water.
I feel sorry for homeless gay people; they have no closet to come out of. In fact, I imagine if you were gay and homeless, you'd probably be glad just to have a closet.
If you love someone, set them free; if they come home, set them on fire.
It is a sad thing to see an Indian wearing a cowboy hat.
What is the plural of 'a hell of a guy?' 'Hells of guys?'
Just think, right now, as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
Sometimes the label on the can says 'fancy peas.' Then, you get 'em home and they're really rather ordinary. Nothing fancy about 'em, at all. Maybe if they had little bullfight paintings on them, they wouls be fancy. But as it is . . .
Slap a dead person.
Where does the dentist go when he leaves you alone?
There should be some things we don't name, just so we can sit around all day and wonder what they are.
If I only had one tooth, I think I would brush it a real long time.
I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
Things you never hear: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.'
If you have chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other?
Whenever someone tells me they're going to fix a chicken, I always think, Maybe it isn't really broken. Maybe it just needs a little oil.
They said on the news that tests on monkeys showed HIV can be transmitted through oral sex. What I want to know is, who had to blow the monkeys?
As grown-ups, we never get to 'wave bye-bye.' I think it would be fun. "Steve, the boss is sailing for Europe; we're all going down to the dock to wave bye-bye.'
I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.
Inside-Out Talk: Here's something pretty stupid. You inflect these phrases the same way as the originals. It's inside-out talk! Tell your pals.
Palsable celery.
The Arionese Syberation Limby.
Footday Night Monball.
Daise Don't Please the Eatsies.
A knocknical techout.
The New Bork Yockerknickers.
Beach the Combdanner.
Sylstoner Vallest.
Cronker Waltite.
Third Enkinders of the Close Count.
Kind Enclosures of the Third Count.
The Inhuldable Crelk.
Circy Flython's Pything Montus.
The Delaseverty Sixenty Philyers.
All of these lovely things were taken, without permission, from Brain Droppings by George Carlin, ©1997.
Another thing: What's with all the paranoia in fandom these days? Everyone's friends-locking their shit and asking not to be archived. Granted, a lot of what's being put out these days is shite, and it won't be archived anyway, but WTF mate? Do people suddenly think that the actors might find it and be offended? I'm sure they have better things to do than surf LiveJournal looking for smut about themselves. They have their mates do it, don'tcha know. Oh well. If someone famous does find my stuff, I hope they are entertained.
FuckCount: 1
I've decided not to go to bed, since I have to be awake in an hour anyway, and if I go to sleep now, I'll never wake up. Sonja Logic™.
I've also decided that I shall entertain you with more George Carlin quotes. Yay for you!
Short Takes.
How likely is it that all the people who are described as missing are living together in a small town somewhere?
If lobsters looked like puppies, people could never drop them in boiling water while they're still alive. But instead, they look like science fiction monsters, so it's OK. Restaurants that allow patrons to select live lobsters from a tank should be made to paint names on their shells: 'Happy,' 'Baby Doll,' 'Junior.' I defy anyone to drop a living thing called 'Happy' in rapidly boiling water.
I feel sorry for homeless gay people; they have no closet to come out of. In fact, I imagine if you were gay and homeless, you'd probably be glad just to have a closet.
If you love someone, set them free; if they come home, set them on fire.
It is a sad thing to see an Indian wearing a cowboy hat.
What is the plural of 'a hell of a guy?' 'Hells of guys?'
Just think, right now, as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
Sometimes the label on the can says 'fancy peas.' Then, you get 'em home and they're really rather ordinary. Nothing fancy about 'em, at all. Maybe if they had little bullfight paintings on them, they wouls be fancy. But as it is . . .
Slap a dead person.
Where does the dentist go when he leaves you alone?
There should be some things we don't name, just so we can sit around all day and wonder what they are.
If I only had one tooth, I think I would brush it a real long time.
I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
Things you never hear: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.'
If you have chicken at lunch and chicken at dinner, do you ever wonder if the two chickens knew each other?
Whenever someone tells me they're going to fix a chicken, I always think, Maybe it isn't really broken. Maybe it just needs a little oil.
They said on the news that tests on monkeys showed HIV can be transmitted through oral sex. What I want to know is, who had to blow the monkeys?
As grown-ups, we never get to 'wave bye-bye.' I think it would be fun. "Steve, the boss is sailing for Europe; we're all going down to the dock to wave bye-bye.'
I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.
Inside-Out Talk: Here's something pretty stupid. You inflect these phrases the same way as the originals. It's inside-out talk! Tell your pals.
Palsable celery.
The Arionese Syberation Limby.
Footday Night Monball.
Daise Don't Please the Eatsies.
A knocknical techout.
The New Bork Yockerknickers.
Beach the Combdanner.
Sylstoner Vallest.
Cronker Waltite.
Third Enkinders of the Close Count.
Kind Enclosures of the Third Count.
The Inhuldable Crelk.
Circy Flython's Pything Montus.
The Delaseverty Sixenty Philyers.
All of these lovely things were taken, without permission, from Brain Droppings by George Carlin, ©1997.
Another thing: What's with all the paranoia in fandom these days? Everyone's friends-locking their shit and asking not to be archived. Granted, a lot of what's being put out these days is shite, and it won't be archived anyway, but WTF mate? Do people suddenly think that the actors might find it and be offended? I'm sure they have better things to do than surf LiveJournal looking for smut about themselves. They have their mates do it, don'tcha know. Oh well. If someone famous does find my stuff, I hope they are entertained.
FuckCount: 1