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seethingheathenA few years ago, I got my kicks from destroying Mary Sues in Middle Earth, using the ever-clever alter-ego of ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
sugarylime. Well, I'm back with a vengeance to rid Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry of the same infestation.
Title: Sit Down, Shut The Fuck Up, And Die. Bitch: Part One.
Author: Sonja.
Pairing: Harry/Draco (eventually)
Rating: PG-13 for this bit.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but myself.
Author's Notes: MST of the story Stand Up, Speak Up, and Breathe, by Affectionate Sinner. Used without permission. Text blocks in italics are the original story. No parts of it have been altered, and it remains the property of the original author. I refuse to take credit for shite like that. Oh, and I know nothing of Teen Titans, and this appears to be a cross-over of some manner. Smacks of Mary Sue, so here we go. Oh, and a note for the uninitiated: my MSTs are Mary Sues of their own, so be prepared for a little CanonRape Consensual Sex.
HARRY, DRACO, and SUGARYLIME make their way to the abandoned GSC theatre. The bills haven’t been paid in years, so there is no electricity. There are cobwebs all over the place and a good inch of dust on every surface. Good thing we have wizards! With wands! And magic!
DRACO: What the hell is this place? Potter’s summer house?
HARRY: Sod you, Malfoy.
SUGARYLIME: Can you two put aside your differences for a moment, please? We have real evil to fight here. None of that pansy Lord Voldemort shit. Now start the film before I throttle you both!
DRACO and HARRY: Fine.
Prologue
My heart was racing. I was nervous yet excited. When the sorting hat was placed on my head, I began to think. I thought about why I was there, and why I wanted to be there. At the same time I thought about all the things I had already learned from my previous home which I would not return to for a long time.
“Ravenclaw!” shouted the sorting hat.
I was pleased with its decision. I did consider myself smart but I was not the type to show it off. I slowly stood up and walked towards the Ravenclaw table. I could here the cheers saying, “Lydia!” That’s my name by the way. Lydia Fayth Avalon, and this was going to be my 1st year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
SUGARYLIME: What is up with fangirls and the bloody letter “Y?” Fayth, indeed. I certainly have “Fayth” that I’m going to be sick. Oh, Malfoy? Potter? How old are the pair of you in this little adventure of ours?
DRACO: [arching a devastatingly sexy eyebrow] How old do you want me to be?
SUGARYLIME: At least eighteen. I don’t want my journal deleted.
When I was seated I heard the name Draco Malfoy called out. I looked up and saw a pale boy with silver-blonde hair walk up to the stool to be sorted. I looked at him and immediately I disliked him. I’m sure that was snotty of me but his body language automatically told me that he thought that he was better than everyone else here.
DRACO: That’s because I’m a Malfoy, and Malfoys are better than everyone else. Mudblood bitch.
HARRY: Oh, please, Malfoy. If anyone’s better, it’s me. How many killing curses have you survived?
SUGARYLIME: [ignoring Harry] What makes you think she’s Mudblood? I didn’t think Sues were anything but pure.
DRACO: No pure-blood in his right mind would allow his daughter to be called Lydia Fayth, that’s why. And, just out of morbid curiosity, why’d you invite Potter along? [trailing a finger up SUGARYLIME’s arm] I thought this was our own private show.
SUGARYLIME: Well, er, I . . .
DRACO: Out with it, woman!
SUGARYLIME: For my own amusement. That’s all I’m saying.
HARRY: [flailing his arms in an undignified manner] I’m The Boy Who Lived! Twice! I’m not anyone’s amusement!
DRACO: [licking his lips] How very Slytherin of you, Sonsy. If I were a real person, I’d kiss you.
SUGARYLIME: [looking hopeful] Do it anyway?
HARRY: We should be focusing on the task at hand here, people. Not indulging our pathetic fantasies.
SUGARYLIME: [winking at DRACO] How very Gryffindor of you.
He was so scrawny and his nose was somewhat pointed.
DRACO: Hey!
SUGARYLIME: But pointy in a sexy way. [looking at DRACO’s nose] Yes, definitely sexy.
HARRY: Spare me.
As he sat down our eyes met for a quick instant. For some odd reason I feared him. He seemed so serious. Our eyes were connected for what seemed like an eternity. He had grey stormy eyes. His eyes were none like I had ever seen and they struck a feeling in me which I could not identify. Though I never show it off I always felt that I was able to identify anything. Still this was a feeling I didn’t know of. I felt anger, fear, joy and many more all together at the same time. Though I couldn’t identify it at the moment I tried to keep it out of my mind. I wasn’t going to ponder over something that I found unanswerable.
SUGARYLIME: Able to identify anything? That’s not really a talent, so much as average. “Hey what’s that thing there?” [points at DRACO’s crotch] “Could someone here identify that for me? I’d do it, but I don’t want to show off!” And I can tell you, it’s not anger I’m feeling.
HARRY: Why don’t you just fuck and get it over with? You’re ruining the film! I came here to have a nice time, and –
SUGARYLIME: Oh, you’ll have a nice time, Potter. I’ll make sure of that. You and Malfoy both.
HARRY: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
DRACO: Did you just call me Malfoy? I thought we were friends. I must say, I’m seriously hurt.
SUGARYLIME: I think Malfoy sounds sexier. [leaning over to whisper in DRACO’s ear] Maaaalfoooooy.
DRACO: Eep.
HARRY: [attempting to look seductive, but failing miserably] So, is that why you call me Potter? You think it’s sexy?
SUGARYLIME: No. I just don’t like you much.
The hat shouted, “Slytherin!” before it was even completely placed on Draco’s head. Draco quickly gave a smirk and stood up and walked towards the Slytherin table. As he walked away the thought that I had been pondering on went away with him.
What were his eyes making me think, making me feel? That question would never be answered until my senior year at Hogwarts. That is when the story begins…
DRACO: Oh, Merlin, she’s meant to be my girlfriend, isn’t she?
SUGARYLIME: Yep.
HARRY: Ha-ha! Malfoy’s got a girlfriend! And she’s a Ravenclaw!
DRACO: Really, Potter. You shouldn’t carry on so- it’s rather undignified. And besides that, where’s your girlfriend?
HARRY: . . . . .
SUGARYLIME: Good one! [high-fives DRACO] But, I should warn you, in the next chapter you won’t be so smug. As hot as it is . . .
DRACO: What’s going on in the next chapter?
SUGARYLIME: We’re going to play a little game . . .
As the Magic Projector stops and the theatre is brightened by a double-Lumos, our three brave souls make their way to the long-forgotten concession stand for some stale popcorn and mouldy chocolate. See you after the intermission!
sugarylime. Well, I'm back with a vengeance to rid Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry of the same infestation. Title: Sit Down, Shut The Fuck Up, And Die. Bitch: Part One.
Author: Sonja.
Pairing: Harry/Draco (eventually)
Rating: PG-13 for this bit.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but myself.
Author's Notes: MST of the story Stand Up, Speak Up, and Breathe, by Affectionate Sinner. Used without permission. Text blocks in italics are the original story. No parts of it have been altered, and it remains the property of the original author. I refuse to take credit for shite like that. Oh, and I know nothing of Teen Titans, and this appears to be a cross-over of some manner. Smacks of Mary Sue, so here we go. Oh, and a note for the uninitiated: my MSTs are Mary Sues of their own, so be prepared for a little Canon
HARRY, DRACO, and SUGARYLIME make their way to the abandoned GSC theatre. The bills haven’t been paid in years, so there is no electricity. There are cobwebs all over the place and a good inch of dust on every surface. Good thing we have wizards! With wands! And magic!
DRACO: What the hell is this place? Potter’s summer house?
HARRY: Sod you, Malfoy.
SUGARYLIME: Can you two put aside your differences for a moment, please? We have real evil to fight here. None of that pansy Lord Voldemort shit. Now start the film before I throttle you both!
DRACO and HARRY: Fine.
My heart was racing. I was nervous yet excited. When the sorting hat was placed on my head, I began to think. I thought about why I was there, and why I wanted to be there. At the same time I thought about all the things I had already learned from my previous home which I would not return to for a long time.
“Ravenclaw!” shouted the sorting hat.
I was pleased with its decision. I did consider myself smart but I was not the type to show it off. I slowly stood up and walked towards the Ravenclaw table. I could here the cheers saying, “Lydia!” That’s my name by the way. Lydia Fayth Avalon, and this was going to be my 1st year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
SUGARYLIME: What is up with fangirls and the bloody letter “Y?” Fayth, indeed. I certainly have “Fayth” that I’m going to be sick. Oh, Malfoy? Potter? How old are the pair of you in this little adventure of ours?
DRACO: [arching a devastatingly sexy eyebrow] How old do you want me to be?
SUGARYLIME: At least eighteen. I don’t want my journal deleted.
When I was seated I heard the name Draco Malfoy called out. I looked up and saw a pale boy with silver-blonde hair walk up to the stool to be sorted. I looked at him and immediately I disliked him. I’m sure that was snotty of me but his body language automatically told me that he thought that he was better than everyone else here.
DRACO: That’s because I’m a Malfoy, and Malfoys are better than everyone else. Mudblood bitch.
HARRY: Oh, please, Malfoy. If anyone’s better, it’s me. How many killing curses have you survived?
SUGARYLIME: [ignoring Harry] What makes you think she’s Mudblood? I didn’t think Sues were anything but pure.
DRACO: No pure-blood in his right mind would allow his daughter to be called Lydia Fayth, that’s why. And, just out of morbid curiosity, why’d you invite Potter along? [trailing a finger up SUGARYLIME’s arm] I thought this was our own private show.
SUGARYLIME: Well, er, I . . .
DRACO: Out with it, woman!
SUGARYLIME: For my own amusement. That’s all I’m saying.
HARRY: [flailing his arms in an undignified manner] I’m The Boy Who Lived! Twice! I’m not anyone’s amusement!
DRACO: [licking his lips] How very Slytherin of you, Sonsy. If I were a real person, I’d kiss you.
SUGARYLIME: [looking hopeful] Do it anyway?
HARRY: We should be focusing on the task at hand here, people. Not indulging our pathetic fantasies.
SUGARYLIME: [winking at DRACO] How very Gryffindor of you.
He was so scrawny and his nose was somewhat pointed.
DRACO: Hey!
SUGARYLIME: But pointy in a sexy way. [looking at DRACO’s nose] Yes, definitely sexy.
HARRY: Spare me.
As he sat down our eyes met for a quick instant. For some odd reason I feared him. He seemed so serious. Our eyes were connected for what seemed like an eternity. He had grey stormy eyes. His eyes were none like I had ever seen and they struck a feeling in me which I could not identify. Though I never show it off I always felt that I was able to identify anything. Still this was a feeling I didn’t know of. I felt anger, fear, joy and many more all together at the same time. Though I couldn’t identify it at the moment I tried to keep it out of my mind. I wasn’t going to ponder over something that I found unanswerable.
SUGARYLIME: Able to identify anything? That’s not really a talent, so much as average. “Hey what’s that thing there?” [points at DRACO’s crotch] “Could someone here identify that for me? I’d do it, but I don’t want to show off!” And I can tell you, it’s not anger I’m feeling.
HARRY: Why don’t you just fuck and get it over with? You’re ruining the film! I came here to have a nice time, and –
SUGARYLIME: Oh, you’ll have a nice time, Potter. I’ll make sure of that. You and Malfoy both.
HARRY: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
DRACO: Did you just call me Malfoy? I thought we were friends. I must say, I’m seriously hurt.
SUGARYLIME: I think Malfoy sounds sexier. [leaning over to whisper in DRACO’s ear] Maaaalfoooooy.
DRACO: Eep.
HARRY: [attempting to look seductive, but failing miserably] So, is that why you call me Potter? You think it’s sexy?
SUGARYLIME: No. I just don’t like you much.
The hat shouted, “Slytherin!” before it was even completely placed on Draco’s head. Draco quickly gave a smirk and stood up and walked towards the Slytherin table. As he walked away the thought that I had been pondering on went away with him.
What were his eyes making me think, making me feel? That question would never be answered until my senior year at Hogwarts. That is when the story begins…
DRACO: Oh, Merlin, she’s meant to be my girlfriend, isn’t she?
SUGARYLIME: Yep.
HARRY: Ha-ha! Malfoy’s got a girlfriend! And she’s a Ravenclaw!
DRACO: Really, Potter. You shouldn’t carry on so- it’s rather undignified. And besides that, where’s your girlfriend?
HARRY: . . . . .
SUGARYLIME: Good one! [high-fives DRACO] But, I should warn you, in the next chapter you won’t be so smug. As hot as it is . . .
DRACO: What’s going on in the next chapter?
SUGARYLIME: We’re going to play a little game . . .
As the Magic Projector stops and the theatre is brightened by a double-Lumos, our three brave souls make their way to the long-forgotten concession stand for some stale popcorn and mouldy chocolate. See you after the intermission!
