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seethingheathenDear Just 18,
When your cover promises me 'Top Teen Totty,' that is what I expect. Needless to say, I was rather disappointed when I opened your magazine and there was only Somewhere-Near-the-Bottom Teen Totty, which is rather an oxymoron. Don't promise totty if you can't deliver. Oh, and please teach your models the value of a toothbrush. It's a small investment, really.
No love,
Sonsy
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To the person or persons [at work] responsible for the theft of my spoon and the unauthorised use of my teacup:
I smite thee mightily. May your sons be born without toes, and may you never be able to keep fresh fruit in your house for more than two days. May your kitchen sponge be rife with bacteria, and may your nose fall off whilst you are enjoying a toasted cheese sandwich and tomato soup.
♥ Sonja
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Dear Sir,
When I tell you to move your bloody bicycle, I mean move it. Do not tell me you'll move it in a minute; move it now. Trust me, you'll find it more difficult to ride once it's been run over by a bus. Telling me to 'chill out' will only result in me mocking you for loving the 90s so much you couldn't bear to stop using the slang. Perhaps I should contact VH1 and get you a spot on their next panel.
Cheers,
Me. And no, I'm not telling you my name, cuntrag.
When your cover promises me 'Top Teen Totty,' that is what I expect. Needless to say, I was rather disappointed when I opened your magazine and there was only Somewhere-Near-the-Bottom Teen Totty, which is rather an oxymoron. Don't promise totty if you can't deliver. Oh, and please teach your models the value of a toothbrush. It's a small investment, really.
No love,
Sonsy
----------
To the person or persons [at work] responsible for the theft of my spoon and the unauthorised use of my teacup:
I smite thee mightily. May your sons be born without toes, and may you never be able to keep fresh fruit in your house for more than two days. May your kitchen sponge be rife with bacteria, and may your nose fall off whilst you are enjoying a toasted cheese sandwich and tomato soup.
♥ Sonja
----------
Dear Sir,
When I tell you to move your bloody bicycle, I mean move it. Do not tell me you'll move it in a minute; move it now. Trust me, you'll find it more difficult to ride once it's been run over by a bus. Telling me to 'chill out' will only result in me mocking you for loving the 90s so much you couldn't bear to stop using the slang. Perhaps I should contact VH1 and get you a spot on their next panel.
Cheers,
Me. And no, I'm not telling you my name, cuntrag.
