OMFG.

[seethingheathen]

I was invited on a car ride so Jon would not have to deal with his mum alone. Yay, me. She wanted to visit her parents for a few days, so off we went.

Here are some things I'd liked to have told her, but I have better manners than that.

- Your dog is disgusting. No, really, he is. His breath reeks and he drools.
- You really can clean the fucking dog hair out of your car. It looks as though you're trying to re-upholster the back seat with white fur.
- See the hives on my arms? See your manky dog? When I say I have allergies, I'm not kidding.
- He is not a good dog. He's a spoilt dog. And telling him you worship him and you aren't worthy of his love is making me want to paint your car the colour of vomit. My vomit.
- No one gives a shit that your co-workers don't like you, least of all me. Now I see why your son ignores his phone when you ring him.
- No, your dog is not cute.
- No, he isn't. People like you are the reason I hate dogs.

And look:
Where have all the cows gone?


Here's one!