OMFG I am going to kill you.

[seethingheathen]

My second day at work, and this happened.

Before I went to lunch, a woman came in and asked if we cashed money orders. We don't, but there is a cheque cashing place two doors down. And yes, I did ask if I could accept the thing before I tried to send her on her merry way.

Money Order Lady: But they charge.
Me: I'm sorry, but I can't change it for you.
MOL: But they charge.
Me: I know, but we don't take money orders.
MOL: Okay.

MOL left and I went to lunch. About an hour after I got back, MOL came back.

MOL: Do you sell Norkey phone cards?
Me: I'm sorry, what sort of phone cards?
MOL: Norkey! Norkey!
Me: Are you asking about phone cards to make long-distance calls with, or mobile top-up cards?
MOL: It's for my phone.
Me: Well, I haven't heard of Norkey, but I have a list of top-up cards we do have.

I grabbed the list and there was no Norkey. I knew there wouldn't be, but I had to humour the woman. It's hard to sell something for a company that doesn't exist.

MOL: Is there someone else working here? Someone who speaks English?
Me: I can get the manager, but we only have the cards I listed for you. We don't sell Norkey, and I'm not even sure what that is.
MOL: I got it here last time. Norkey! I always get it here!

I went and got the manager, and explained to her what MOL was asking for, and that I showed her the list, but she insisted that we sell whatever the hell Norkey is. I refrained, of course, from telling MOL that of the two of us, I was the one speaking English. She was speaking American, lol.

Mgr: What are you looking for?
MOL: A Norkey phone card. Like the one I got last time.
Mgr: What is a Norkey?
MOL: Maybe it's Norka, I don't know. It's what my phone says. Norkey, Norka, something.
Mgr: Do you mean Nokia?
MOL: Yeah, Norkia. Norka. I need a Norkey phone card. She [points to me] says you don't have them, but I know I bought one here last time. You shouldn't hire these people.
Me: ...
Mgr: Your phone is a Nokia, but what company do you have service with?
MOL: Norka 1600 Plan. It's a cell phone.
Mgr: Okay, your phone is a Nokia, but what company provides your service?
MOL: It's a Norkey. I have the 1600 Norka plan. Or Norkey. I don't know what you mean.
Mgr: Is it Verizon, or T-Mobile?
MOL: Norkey 1600.
Mgr: Yes, your phone is a Nokia, but more than one company has Nokia phones. Is it Net 10?
MOL: Yeah, that's the one. Net 10 Norka 1600 Plan.

Having gotten that sorted, the manager went back to doing whatever she was doing, and I went about selling MOL her Net 10 top-up card.

MOL: I was trying to tell you it was a Norkey. You didn't listen. I knew I bought the Norkey 1600 Plan before, but you couldn't understand me. You really shouldn't work here if you can't speak English.
Me: Okay, so you want a Net 10 top-up card. How many minutes?
MOL: Fifteen dollars. You know, you really should pay attention. I said 1600 Plan, didn't I?

Now, I have no idea where the 1600 comes in. I really, really don't. I scanned the crap she bought and put a $15 top-up card on there. Two receipts printed- one for the purchase, and one that had the top-up information on it. I handed her both and told her which was which.

MOL: One of these is my Norkey card, right? You gave me the Norka 1600? You see, I have these little nicknames for the things I buy. Norkey! That's my little nickname. I like to call it Norka. It reminds me of one of those little whales, like Free Willy.
Me: Have a nice day.
MOL: You too. And maybe next time I come in, you will have figured out what you need to do.

I know that was TL;DR, but DAMN. I spent all day going over and over what she had said so I could post it here in all its glory. Norkey, indeed.

Of course, I posted it to customers_suck.